It is easier to write than commit

I was very amused when I read this forum letter on marital commitment in the Sunday Times today:

Sep 26, 2010

Why is there a fear of commitment?

Is your significant other reluctant to tie the knot or does he or she avoid serious conversation about settling down? If that’s the case, it does not take an expert to figure out that, perhaps, he or she is afraid of commitment. The question is: ‘Why?’

Singapore’s total population stands at 5.08 million and among those aged between 30 and 34, last year’s figures show that 41.9 per cent of males and 29.8 per cent of females were single. This is depressing data as the Government is encouraging couples to marry and have children.

Furthermore, as of August 2008, the Government has increased its baby bonus scheme to $4,000 for the first child and $6,000 for the second child. What is the use of providing such incentives when the problem lies in many singles not even wanting to get married?

Among the reasons many give for not wanting to settle down are that they have not found the right one, are too busy or are simply not bothered about marriage.

A friend who is 35 years old had this to say: ‘I am not married because I have not found the right woman yet. I am also afraid of being tied down after marriage. So I prefer to remain single.’

The thing is, it is estimated that there may be about 600,000 singles in Singapore and many of them have been on the dating scene for a long time. People are bound to meet a suitable match among the 600,000. So how is it possible that they have not found the right one yet?

Well, perhaps Singaporeans who are afraid to commit should ask themselves if they want to live the rest of their lives alone.

Nivitra Devi Hari (Miss)

Hmmm, some things to muse upon:

1. Ironically, the writer signs off as a Miss. Assuming she’s not been married before, I don’t know if she knows the level of commitment needed in an actual marriage.

2. 600,000 singles on the market doesn’t mean you’ll meet the right person. You could have 10 million singles floating around and still not find a mate. Or even someone close to being the right person. I’ve explored this topic before but I think everyone can agree that it’s important to find someone suitable, and sometimes, it’s just tough given the pressures of work today.

3. My personal assumption is that nobody wants to be lonely. But to focus on a “fear of commitment”, requires one to ask if that’s the main reason. Housing costs, working hours, the pressure cooker education system etc etc, are all part of the equation here.

In short, I’d say it’s easier to write this blog entry than to actually commit to anything.

One Reply to “It is easier to write than commit”

  1. Ian Tan,

    If i were to interpret the letter correctly,what Miss N is trying to say is Singaporeans don’t have the guts to be in a fruitful relationship,if she talks the talk,can she walk the walk,i don’t think so,its easier said than done,I’m 32,still a swinging single,never had a girlfriend in my life,never been out for a date,let alone ask a girl out for a dance or hang out for Pete’s sake.

    The crux of the matter is our current situation does not allow us to meet or socialize with people of the opposite sex,the very fabric of the society is to blame as well,remember the stop @ 2 policy implemented by the ruling party eons ago,remember when we were told to focus on studies ONLY,we were not allowed to mingle freely with girls as well,am i to the blame for the falling fertility rate?Am i concerned or to put myself in a self pity party state asking questions,”Why Parthi?why?Why am i still single?Why can’t i find a soul mate?” I don’t want to sound off like Agent Smith from The Matrix,we have to ask ourselves,whats our purpose in life?To go forth & multiply?

    As far as i am concerned,my relationship with God is far more important than anything else in this world,i am definitely not perfect but i can make an impact in other people’s lives,i don’t a need a life partner to make me feel complete,i am complete in Christ Jesus,i am here to do His work,His will,His story,that’s what matters,be a blessing to others,be a beacon of hope in times of desperate needs & situations,live life to the fullest,fulfill my destiny,finish the race before i expire so i can inspire & aspire the next generation…..

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