I watched the movie yesterday with Goy, and I left the cinema feeling really disappointed no matter how I tried to enjoy the movie from different perspectives – as a movie fan, as a Transformers fan, as a visual literacy fan, and as a computer graphics fan. It flunked on nearly all aspects and the show was watchable, but still no fun to watch.
Here are ten issues plaguing the show, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
1. Overly complex CGI means less screen time for Transformers to be themselves. For a movie that cost USD200m, the Transformers hardly say very much, especially the Autobots. The Decepticons seem to be doing all the talking and they don’t say very much either.
2. The humans talk too much. The Twins talk alot of crap too, but it’s hard to catch what they’re saying.
3. Soundwave – oh for goodness sake, he doesn’t even play an MP3 file! There’s Rampage, but where’s Laserbeak?
4. Who’s fighting who? When you watch RoboPorn, you want to see who’s connecting to who. Thanks to the ridiculously complex CGI, every robot looks like a messy blur when they start punching. The final fight scene – I gave up trying to see what was happening.
5. Why are the Autobots so brutal? They seem so happy to wipe out the Decepticons. This is a massive hangover from the George Bush era when being good = evil.
6. The relationship between Megatron and Starscream is once again, poorly fleshed out. In G1 cartoons, Megatron was always dependent on Starscream to wield him as a powerful pistol (oxymoronic, yes). Here, Megatron turns into a tank (which you hardly get to see…and even a flying jet, which I barely noticed), and he doesn’t really need Starscream save the latter being a punching bag.
7. The Fallen is a weezer. For a guy who could wave a big stick and throw enemies around with levitating powers, why didn’t he conquer Earth in the 14th century and enslave them to find the hidden machine?
8. Jetfire – Movie doesn’t explain how he went into hibernation mode as a frigging Blackbird. The humans talked so fast in this segment, it was hard for even me to understand what was going on (the search for Legendary Transformers).
9. Too many random weapons. WTF is a rail gun doing in the movie? Can they explain to normal laymen what’s an EMP?
10. At some point, didn’t you feel like you were watching Indiana Jones and Raiders of the Lost Robots?