Blast from the past: 2 Mar 2003

Here’s some stuff I wrote on Isaac’s personal website (miniflask.tripod.com – Don’t go unless you love pop-up ads) shortly after he was born. That website didn’t last two months of updates….ahhh, if only I’d discovered blogging software then.

sleepy-papa.jpg

What a difference 4 years make. I was discovering the joys of not sleeping, not suspecting it would last several years thanks to my special kids’ weird sleeping and feeding habits. Note the amount of hair I still had then…and the lack of it on Isaac. Perhaps we did a swap.

Name : Isaac Tan Yi Chuan

Sex: Hot blooded male

Temperament: Temperamental

Date of Birth: 27 Feb 2003

Place of Conception: Either Bishan or Switzerland, beats me and Goy.

Special Powers:

Ear-piercing Shriek
Wind-whirling Arm Swing
Deadly Scissor Kicks
Humongous Fart
More to be discovered

Brief history

Despite his father’s insistence on naming him Xiao Ming after famous primary textbook characters, Isaac received the name Yi Chuan upon his mother’s threats.

The boy known as Isaac was born after a gruelling 26 hour labour that saw his mother curse the use of inductive pills and the inefficiency of Epidural. The disease known as Sars was still not in public domain, so Ian spent some of those painful hours peeping into other labour wards.

Appearing bloodied and gooey like every baby, Isaac shocked his father who assumed his formless back of the head to be his actual visage. “Is he an alien?” thought Ian.

Thankfully, Isaac turned over and yelled angrily, exposing his quacky mouth for the first time.

Experts have debated over the unique nature of Isaac’s looks – snubby nose and creamy white skin. Many claim he is Caucasian in origin, which baffles scientists who know his parents are both Asian. Perhaps the Goy genes have provided Asians with a more pronounced facial architecture, coupled with the Tannish wide-set eyes.

His Mr Pringles mouth still sets off endless giggles amongst his cruel parents though.

His birth weight was a light 2.8kg, but bountiful supplies of breast and S26 milk has pumped him up to Michelin man proportions. His large head will, unfortunately, be the subject of much discussion in the future by malicious friends.

So why the name “Isaac”? Originally he was known as Ian Junior, but the return of sensibility convinced Ian Senior to not let Goy Mother suffer the confusion of too many IT specialists with the same name. Isaac is a great name cos in Hebrew, it means “he laughs”, and is a symbol of Abraham’s obedience to God. Yi Chuan means “endless river of joy”.

Isaac sleeps little and demands plenty, much like his old man. Unfortunately, not many people have the time nor energy to keep up with him. His parents have challenged anyone to look after him for 24hours but no one has claimed the $10 prize booty as of writing.

Unlike the claims of childcare specialists, Isaac exhibited dream states at the age of a few weeks. This is a ailment which has hounded his father too, leading to an overfertile imagination and possibly overpotency.

Then again, his parents have rejected most claims of childcare specialists as “educated bollocks”. Miriam Stoppard isn’t always right.

The child has also expressed much interest in bright lights and bold lines from the age of one week, and insists on sleeping whenever he is brought to see the outside world.

For now, his father hopes he can become a professor so that the former can retire in peace and play his computer games. His mother just hopes to get some more sleep.

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